Hi, Reader.

Some people say you shouldn’t think about the past.

“Quit looking in the rearview mirror,” they advise. “Just focus on the future.”
“You’re stuck in the past,” they declare. “Let bygones be bygones.”

I don’t subscribe to that mindset.

If you grew up with an alcoholic parent or in a home with dysfunction, ignoring the past is like trying to climb a mountain with a backpack full of bowling balls.

Can you do it? Probably. Maybe.

But the climb would be a heck of a lot easier and you’d reach the top much faster if your backpack held only what you need, not heavy things you’ve carried for years.

Many adult children of alcoholics block out the past because revisiting it feels too painful, too exhausting. I get it. It feels easier to just keep going, bowling balls and all.

But Reader, if you don’t stop to acknowledge how your parent’s drinking or other trauma affected you—and that your reactions to what happened are normal—you’re missing the chance to take some of those heavy bowling balls out of your pack.

When you finally recognize what shaped you, you can start to see how it shows up in your life today:

• Why you overthink or feel anxious in certain situations
• Why the same relationship problems keep happening
• Why you always feel stuck
• Why you never fully relax
• Why you never feel good enough

Reflecting on the past isn’t about blaming or living in it. It’s about learning from it so you can move forward lighter, more aware, and with the freedom to choose differently.

So the next time someone tells you, “You’re stuck in the past,” you can tell them:

“No, I’m moving forward by understanding where I came from so I can build the life I want.”

It’s not easy work. But it’s worth it.

And here’s the best part: Once you’ve done the past work, you get to focus on today—taking small steps every day to improve your life and create your path forward.

You're on your way, Reader. I'm rooting for you.