For people who grew up being the responsible one and are finally learning that their first job is taking care of themselves. A couple times a month, I share honest stories, practical insights, and the kind of permission you didn't know you needed — from someone who had to figure it all out from scratch. Join 2,400+ readers. My memoir comes out September 2026.
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Holidays used to break me — now I call the shots
Published 5 months ago • 4 min read
The Empowered Path
for adult children of alcoholics healing & growing
with JODY LAMB
Hi, Reader!
Thanksgiving is next week, which means we’re stepping into the start of the holiday season here in the U.S. And if you grew up with an alcoholic parent or in a chaotic home, this time of year can stir up a lot—pressure, old wounds, emotional landmines, and expectations you never agreed to.
If you’re already feeling that, you’re not alone. I’ve lived this, too.
The holiday season used to break me
For years, holidays felt like walking straight back into childhood. It was not in a sweet nostalgic way, but in a way that tightened my chest.
National Lampoons Christmas Vacation GIF by HBO Max
A big part of it was the family dynamics I never had the power to shape. As an adult hosting gatherings in my own home, my mother still dictated everything — what time events would start, what I would serve, even no turkey because she didn’t like it. It didn’t matter what worked for me as the host. I automatically slipped back into the role of accommodating her to "keep the peace."
But the deeper stress came from the history I carried into every holiday season.
Growing up, I took on obligations that were never mine:
Representing my family at extended-family holiday events because my parents couldn’t or wouldn’t attend due to Mom’s drinking and the related fallout
Trying to make the holidays “normal” for my sister
Managing crises
Carrying the emotional load for adults
Trying to hide or compensate when my mom was drunk on the holidays
Scrambling to keep things together so the holidays weren’t completely ruined (even though they often still were)
I dreaded the holidays because they were a minefield of painful memories: ruined Christmas Eve and Day, the smell of alcohol, fights, disappointment, pretending everything was okay, and being the responsible one long before I should’ve had to be.
Even as an adult with my own home, my nervous system still remembered all of that. It’s no wonder the holidays felt overwhelming.
And then one day, it truly landed for me:
I’m the adult now. This is my life. I get to choose what the holidays look like.
And then I began creating new traditions with my sister and husband.
This was one of the biggest turning points in my healing.
Once I stopped recreating the old patterns and let go of the obligations I inherited as a child, my husband and I started building our own holiday traditions — peaceful, healthy, simple ones.
We asked ourselves:
What makes this season feel joyful for us?
What do we want our home to feel like?
What traditions actually support our wellbeing?
Little by little, those new choices replaced the dread.
And now? I have years of beautiful, peaceful holiday memories — ones I never thought were possible.
How I made the holidays peaceful
Here’s what helped me most and might help you as Thanksgiving Day and all the December holidays approach:
1. I set boundaries before the season started
I chose:
When I’d arrive at gatherings
When I’d leave said gatherings
What I was willing to host
What I was no longer willing to carry
It gave me my power back.
2. I built calming rituals around the holidays
A walk with my husband. Quiet mornings. Breathing before gatherings. Actual recovery time afterward.
3. I let go of the fantasy holiday story
Instead of trying to make everything perfect for others, I asked:
“What would make this season peaceful for me?”
Small shifts made huge changes.
4. Quiet mornings became my grounding anchor
Quiet, peaceful, obligation-free mornings helped me separate old trauma memories from present-day reality, and it reminded me that I’m allowed to choose how I show up now.
As the holidays approach, here’s a reminder, Reader!
You don’t have to repeat the roles you were forced into. You don’t have to take on emotional labor that isn’t yours. You don’t have to let old pain dictate your present.
You’re the adult now. You get to shape your holidays. You get to create new, peaceful memories. You get to choose your life, not re-live the one you survived.
Your reflection prompt for this week
Before the holidays arrive, ask yourself:
“What’s one obligation I can release — or one small, new tradition I can choose — that supports my peace this year?”
Write it. Sit with it. Honor it.
💛 Jody
➡️ Coming Soon: The Year-End Healing Journal That Helped Me Move Forward
Every December, I use a journal I created for myself to process the year — the patterns, the healing, the boundaries, the emotional weight we carry as adult children of alcoholics. It’s been one of the most grounding parts of my healing journey.
This practice has helped me move forward in ways I didn’t expect. It’s helped me let go of old pain, rewrite the stories I inherited, and make huge improvements in creating a life I truly love.
And now I’ve turned that very journal into something I can finally share with you. I’ll send all the details soon. 💛
Resources and Recommendations
✨ If you need a little more on this topic before the holidays, thisvideo goes a little deeper into navigating family dynamics and old patterns during this season. If you could use some encouragement or grounding, it might be really helpful. You can watch it here if you’d like:👉 https://youtu.be/-q_NIHm0kFk
👋 Hey there! You’re getting this email because you’re on a healing journey — learning how to build the healthy, peaceful, joy-filled life you deserve.
I’m Jody Lamb, a personal growth author who helps adult children of alcoholics break free from the past, build confidence, and create real emotional freedom.
In each newsletter, I share honest stories, practical tools, and encouragement to help you strengthen boundaries, practice self-care, and keep moving forward — one brave step at a time.
I’m so glad you’re here. You’re not alone on this path.💛
For people who grew up being the responsible one and are finally learning that their first job is taking care of themselves. A couple times a month, I share honest stories, practical insights, and the kind of permission you didn't know you needed — from someone who had to figure it all out from scratch. Join 2,400+ readers. My memoir comes out September 2026.
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