Hi, Reader!

Thanksgiving is next week, which means we’re stepping into the start of the holiday season here in the U.S. And if you grew up with an alcoholic parent or in a chaotic home, this time of year can stir up a lot—pressure, old wounds, emotional landmines, and expectations you never agreed to.

If you’re already feeling that, you’re not alone. I’ve lived this, too.

The holiday season used to break me

For years, holidays felt like walking straight back into childhood. It was not in a sweet nostalgic way, but in a way that tightened my chest.

A big part of it was the family dynamics I never had the power to shape. As an adult hosting gatherings in my own home, my mother still dictated everything — what time events would start, what I would serve, even no turkey because she didn’t like it. It didn’t matter what worked for me as the host. I automatically slipped back into the role of accommodating her to "keep the peace."

But the deeper stress came from the history I carried into every holiday season.

Growing up, I took on obligations that were never mine:

• Representing my family at extended-family holiday events because my parents couldn’t or wouldn’t attend due to Mom’s drinking and the related fallout
• Trying to make the holidays “normal” for my sister
• Managing crises
• Carrying the emotional load for adults
• Trying to hide or compensate when my mom was drunk on the holidays
• Scrambling to keep things together so the holidays weren’t completely ruined (even though they often still were)

I dreaded the holidays because they were a minefield of painful memories: ruined Christmas Eve and Day, the smell of alcohol, fights, disappointment, pretending everything was okay, and being the responsible one long before I should’ve had to be.

Even as an adult with my own home, my nervous system still remembered all of that. It’s no wonder the holidays felt overwhelming.

And then one day, it truly landed for me:

I’m the adult now. This is my life. I get to choose what the holidays look like.

And then I began creating new traditions with my sister and husband.

This was one of the biggest turning points in my healing.

Once I stopped recreating the old patterns and let go of the obligations I inherited as a child, my husband and I started building our own holiday traditions — peaceful, healthy, simple ones.

We asked ourselves:

• What makes this season feel joyful for us?
• What do we want our home to feel like?
• What traditions actually support our wellbeing?

Little by little, those new choices replaced the dread.

And now? I have years of beautiful, peaceful holiday memories — ones I never thought were possible.

How I made the holidays peaceful

Here’s what helped me most and might help you as Thanksgiving Day and all the December holidays approach:

1. I set boundaries before the season started

I chose:

• When I’d arrive at gatherings
• When I’d leave said gatherings
• What I was willing to host
• What I was no longer willing to carry

It gave me my power back.

2. I built calming rituals around the holidays

A walk with my husband.
Quiet mornings.
Breathing before gatherings.
Actual recovery time afterward.

3. I let go of the fantasy holiday story

Instead of trying to make everything perfect for others, I asked:

“What would make this season peaceful for me?”

Small shifts made huge changes.

4. Quiet mornings became my grounding anchor

Quiet, peaceful, obligation-free mornings helped me separate old trauma memories from present-day reality, and it reminded me that I’m allowed to choose how I show up now.

As the holidays approach, here’s a reminder, Reader!

You don’t have to repeat the roles you were forced into.
You don’t have to take on emotional labor that isn’t yours.
You don’t have to let old pain dictate your present.

You’re the adult now.
You get to shape your holidays.
You get to create new, peaceful memories.
You get to choose your life, not re-live the one you survived.

Your reflection prompt for this week

Before the holidays arrive, ask yourself:

“What’s one obligation I can release — or one small, new tradition I can choose — that supports my peace this year?”

Write it. Sit with it. Honor it.

💛 Jody

Resources and Recommendations

✨ If you need a little more on this topic before the holidays, this video goes a little deeper into navigating family dynamics and old patterns during this season. If you could use some encouragement or grounding, it might be really helpful. You can watch it here if you’d like:👉 https://youtu.be/-q_NIHm0kFk​

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👋 Hey there! You’re getting this email because you’re on a healing journey — learning how to build the healthy, peaceful, joy-filled life you deserve. I’m Jody Lamb, a personal growth author who helps adult children of alcoholics break free from the past, build confidence, and create real emotional freedom. In each newsletter, I share honest stories, practical tools, and encouragement to help you strengthen boundaries, practice self-care, and keep moving forward — one brave step at a time. I’m so glad you’re here. You’re not alone on this path.💛 Visit my website for many articles and resources: JodyLamb.com