Hi, Reader!
Quick story before we dive in.
Someone in our community sent me a message recently. They said they want closer friendships, but every time someone tries to get close…BOOM. Wall goes up. Heart says no. Nervous system jumps out a window.
And I thought:
“Oh, yes. The familiar trust issue.”
Because guess what? I had barbed wire around me for several years.
Years ago, I had a coworker who invited me to hang out THREE TIMES before I said yes.
She literally stood in the doorway of my office three times, asking: “Hey, Jody, wanna join us for happy hour?”
Meanwhile, I was over here trying to protect myself. And I thought, “Why is she so persistent? Yeesh!”
Thank goodness she wasn’t offended by my initial declines because that woman became one of my closest friends once I finally decided to open the door and let her friendship in.
So if you’ve ever felt like trust is hard — especially in December when everyone suddenly wants to “get together” and “connect emotionally” — this one’s for you.
💛 Why Trust Feels Like a Full-Body “Nope”
If you grew up with an alcoholic parent, then trusting people wasn’t just risk, it was confusing.
Love felt inconsistent.
Moods changed like Michigan weather.
You learned VERY young that closeness = unpredictable.
So your brain did what any smart kid’s brain does:
It built a wall. A moat. Possibly a drawbridge.
This wasn’t “you being dramatic.”
It was survival.
Now you’re an adult with a calendar full of holiday invites and a nervous system still acting like it’s 1995 and chaos might break out at any moment.
Totally normal for ACOAs.
Not a “you” problem.
Not a personality flaw.
Just old wiring.
🧱 When the Wall Pops Up Before You Can Blink
Here’s how you know the trust wall is making decisions for you:
- Someone gets close → your brain goes “nope.”
- You suddenly feel tired, busy, or uninterested.
- You keep friendships suuuper surface level.
- You assume people have secret motives (they don’t).
- You want connection but also… please, don’t come near me.
It’s not you being cold.
It’s your inner child hitting the emergency brakes.
🌱 How to Start Letting People In (Gently)
1. Trust yourself first.
When you know YOU can set boundaries, walk away, and protect your peace, letting others get close doesn’t feel so scary.
2. Think of trust like a dimmer switch.
Not ON/OFF.
Just… 10% → 20% → 30%.
Share one small thing. Accept one small invite. Let the light raise a tiny bit.
3. Look for “safe enough” people.
Not perfect. Just consistent.
A little steady. A little kind.
People who follow through and don’t freak out if you need space.
4. Assume good intentions until proven otherwise.
Not “trust everyone blindly.”
Just…don’t assume they’re plotting betrayal while eating a holiday cookie.
5. Remember: YOU control the pace.
Closeness is not a trap.
You pick the speed, the depth, and who gets past the velvet rope.
6. Tell your nervous system the truth.
“I’m safe now.”
“I can take this slowly.”
“Most people mean well unless they show me otherwise.”
Your body needs those reminders.
🌷 This Season, Try This Reframe
You’re not broken for struggling with trust.
You’re not “bad at relationships.”
You’re not cold.
You learned to protect yourself in the exact way you had to.
And now you get to learn something new — at your own pace.
If my friend hadn’t stood in my office doorway three times, I would’ve missed out on a beautiful friendship.
So, here’s to letting the dimmer switch move up one tiny click this month.
Not a spotlight.
Just…a warm glow.
👉 Watch: Overcoming Trust Issues as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic
You’re doing great. Seriously. Trust doesn’t come easy for people like us and yet here you are, learning, trying, growing.
I’m rooting for you!
Jody
Get the Year-end Healing Journal
If you want a gentle way to close out this year and actually feel how far you’ve come, my Year-End Healing Reflection Journal is here for you.
Inside, you’ll walk through the exact process I use to release old patterns, get grounded, and step into the new year with intention — not pressure.
It’s simple. It’s calming. And it helps you end the year feeling lighter, clearer, and more connected to yourself.
It’s on sale through Dec. 7 at 11 p.m. ET!
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Want a peek inside?
Here’s a quick video that walks you through what’s inside the journal and how it can help you let go of what’s been weighing you down and move into the new year with confidence.
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👋 P.S. If you’re new here…
You’re getting this because you’re on a healing journey (hi friend!) and you’re ready to create a life that feels peaceful, grounded, and yours.
I’m Jody Lamb — author, educator, and fellow adult child of an alcoholic. Every week, I send simple tools, honest stories, and encouragement to help you heal old patterns and build the life you’ve always deserved.
💛 You’re in the right place. I’m glad you’re here.
If you’d like more resources, visit my website anytime:
www.jodylamb.com
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