Hey, Reader.
Have you ever looked at your family and thought: Why does this keep happening?
The same patterns. The same chaos. The same dysfunction showing up generation after generation.
Your grandparents had it. Your parents had it. And now you're watching pieces of it show up in your own life.
I've seen it in my family. Addiction has passed through multiple generations. My mom grew up with an alcoholic father who died when she was 11. She lived in poverty with seven siblings. She experienced so much trauma as a child and young adult that she never processed.
And then she became an alcoholic herself, sadly.
That's the thing nobody tells you about dysfunction.
It repeats because it was the normal in your family.
When chaos is all you've ever known, it doesn't feel like chaos. It feels like home. It feels familiar. It feels safe, even when it's anything but.
And that programming starts early.
As a kid, you absorb everything. How your parents handle stress. How they cope. How they love. What they avoid. You soak it up like a sponge and it becomes your wiring.
Then you grow up and you carry that wiring into everything. Your relationships. Your parenting. Your idea of what love looks like.
I can clearly see all my unhealthy wiring. The most challenging one to rewire as an adult has been hypervigilance. I was always scanning. Always bracing for the next terrible thing. Never able to relax. I've improved but the struggle is still there, Reader.
And when I looked at my mom, I saw she does the exact same thing, even more so. She's battling hypervigilance every minute of every day. Because she grew up in chaos.
That coping skill kept both of us safe as kids. But as adults, it was running our lives.
And here's the part that's really hard, Reader.
People who grew up in dysfunction tend to seek out more dysfunction.
It’s not intentional. It’s just that it feels so familiar. Chaos feels like home. Because emotional unavailability feels like love when that's the only version of love you were ever shown.
It's the saddest part of the whole thing, in my opinion.
But I am hopeful.
You can be the one who stops it, Reader.
Unlike every generation before us, we have access to excellent information and resources that didn't exist even 20 years ago. Books. Therapy. Podcasts. Communities like this one. People sharing what they've learned so you don't have to figure it all out alone.
I am breaking the cycle in my family. Right now. Because I put in the work to understand what happened, how it affected me, and what I need to do differently.
And if I can do that, you can, too.
I go deeper on all of this in the video. Why dysfunction repeats, what the patterns actually look like, and why I'm so optimistic that things are changing for the better.
Watch the full video here.
Are you breaking a cycle in your family? Hit reply and tell me. I'd love to hear your story. I read every one.
And if someone in your life is repeating patterns they don't even realize they're repeating? Forward this. Sometimes seeing the pattern is the first step to changing it. Here's the link to sign up for this free newsletter. Thank you!
The stats that blow my mind 📊
The stats are in and they haven't changed much in the ~20 years I’ve been tracking them. Reader, did you know that one in four kids in the United States has at least one parent who abuses alcohol? Yeeeep. And 48.4 million Americans had a substance use disorder in the past year. That's the USA alone. Imagine the global stats. This is not a niche problem. This is a global health crisis that has been going on for way too long! So, if you're still holding onto shame about addiction in your family, please know it was never unique to your family. Not even close. This is exactly why I'm so motivated to keep talking about this. I break down all the latest numbers in this video, along with the information sources.
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Memoir update 📖
My Job Is Me is so close to being ready to share with you! I'm finishing final edits right now, and we are on track for a September 2026 launch. If you grew up in any kind of dysfunction, or you've ever loved someone more than you've loved yourself, this book was written for you.
Take good care of yourself,
Jody
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👋 P.S. If you’re new here…
You're receiving this email because you signed up for it. You likely grew up being the responsible one and you're learning that your first job is actually taking care of yourself.
I'm Jody Lamb. I'm an author and memoirist who had to figure all of this out from scratch. I've been writing and making videos about it since 2009.
Every email is a mix of honest stories, practical stuff, and the kind of permission I wish someone had given me years ago.
My memoir, My Job is Me, comes out September 2026.
I'm really glad you're here.
📖 Grab the free Blueprint: jodylamb.com/guide
🎥 Watch on YouTube: youtube.com/jodylamb
🌐 Visit: www.jodylamb.com
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