You’re not the fixer anymore and that’s okay


THE EMPOWERED PATH FOR ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS

BY JODY LAMB

Hi, Reader.

Do you feel like it’s your job to keep everyone happy?
If someone’s upset, do you feel you need to fix it?

You're not alone and there’s a reason you are this way.

If you grew up in a home with an alcoholic parent—or any kind of emotional chaos—you probably learned this early:

When someone’s mood shifted, everything else followed.

So what did you do?

You became the peacekeeper.
The fixer.
The one who smoothed it all over so things didn’t spiral.

That was me, too.

I used to instantly go into solution-and-panic mode when my mom was in a bad mood—whether she was sober or not. My body would tense up. My mind would race. I’d scramble to do something—anything—to make things okay again.

Later, it showed up in other parts of life:

💔 When a friend was sad about her on-again, off-again boyfriend, I took on her heartbreak like it was my own.
💼 When my boss was upset with the team, it ruined my whole day. I’d overcompensate by going out of my way to encourage the team, trying to offset her terrible mood.

It wasn’t my job but it felt like it was.

Here’s the truth:
👉 Other people’s emotions are not your responsibility.
👉 You are not in charge of their happiness, their reactions, or their healing.
👉 You are only responsible for you.

It’s okay to let people feel their feelings.
It’s okay to not have the perfect response.
It’s okay to not fix it.

💛You are not here to carry everyone else.
You deserve peace, too, Reader.

Two healing steps you can take:

Pause before you respond.
When someone expresses strong emotions, give yourself a moment to check in with your own feelings before jumping in to soothe them.

Be supportive without getting emotionally entangled.
When a friend is struggling, say something like:
"This sounds really hard, and I’m here for you."
Then gently shift your focus back to your own well-being.
You can care without carrying it.

You don’t have to hustle for peace anymore.
You were never meant to carry it all.

💛 A personal note from me this week...

This week, I had to say goodbye to my best buddy, Larry the cat. He was 15 years old, and cancer took him from us. I’m heartbroken but so, so grateful for the time we had together.

Larry was like a royal, fancy version of laid-back, food-loving Garfield. He had a big personality, a bigger appetite, and a way of making everyone feel like his favorite human.

Larry was by my side for so many chapters of life—good and bad. His presence was comfort, joy, and unconditional love.

Losing him reminded me how important it is to spend time with the people and creatures who bring us joy.

Slow down. Soak it in. Let yourself be present with the ones who make your heart feel safe.❤️

Resources and Recommendations

🖊️

How to write your way to healing

Read it

💡

Hypervigilance in adult children of alcoholics: What it is and how to overcome it

Read it

🌟

How to reduce anxiety and be mentally strong

Read it

I'm rooting for you!

💛 Jody

A quick reminder

👋 Hey there! You signed up for this email because you're on a journey of creating a life you love. I’m here to support you along the way.

I’m Jody Lamb, a personal growth author dedicated to helping adult children of alcoholics break free from the past and build healthy relationships, confidence, and joy.

In this newsletter, you’ll find relatable stories, empowering insights, and practical tips to help you navigate boundaries, self-care, and the challenges that come with growing up in a dysfunctional home.

I’m so glad you’re here. 💛

P.O. Box 996, Brighton, MI 48116
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