Hi, Reader.
Have you ever had someone say to you:
“I adore you, but what the heck?! You’re so confusing sometimes!”
If you grew up with an alcoholic parent (or in a similar kind of dysfunctional home), odds are you’ve heard something like this before—from a friend, coworker, or even a romantic partner.
That’s because while we’re often dependable, problem-solving people, we also carry traits that leave others scratching their heads.
Let’s look at three of the most common.
1. We’re insecure about the strength of our relationships
Adult children of alcoholics are always waiting for the next bad thing to happen. We fear losing the people we care about.
- Maybe you’re slow to open up to new people.
- Maybe you feel suspicious when a new person joins the group.
- Maybe you get jealous of the attention your partner gives someone else.
It all makes sense. Growing up, love was unpredictable. One day our parent was affectionate, the next day they made us feel worthless. Without consistent, unconditional love, we naturally learned to question whether relationships were stable or safe.
2. We rarely accept help (even when we need it)
This is one of my biggest struggles.
The most recent lesson? My wedding planning. I single-handedly planned the whole thing like it was a corporate project—trackers, color-coded task lists in Excel, occasional updates to my now-husband about the status. I figured everyone would appreciate not being bothered with to-dos. After all, we’ve all heard of Bridezillas making their weddings everyone’s top priority.
But a few months before the big day, my sister called and said:
“You didn’t leave anything for me to do. You cut everyone out of everything related to planning your wedding day and we missed out on the fun. I know you were just being you, but you should have included people. It hurt my feelings.”
My heart dropped. It was true. I had unknowingly robbed everyone—my family, my friends, even my husband’s family—of being part of the experience.
Why am I this way? Because my whole life, I had to handle things on my own. Asking for help never felt safe. And even now, when I do think about it, I quickly dismiss the idea: “People are busy. I don’t want to bother them.”
But here’s the truth: by refusing help, we unintentionally keep people at arm’s length. We deny them the joy of giving. I’m learning that letting others help me is not weakness—it’s connection.
3. We dismiss compliments (because we’re never satisfied)
Back in 2006, I had the chance to be part of the crowd at the Super Bowl halftime show in Detroit. The Rolling Stones took the stage, and I danced and sang my heart out as they blasted “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction.”
Halfway through, I couldn’t help but laugh to myself: This could totally be the theme song for adult children of alcoholics!
Do you struggle with never feeling satisfied with yourself, too, Reader?
We tend to brush off praise or compliments because deep down, we feel like we’re never enough. But here's what I finally learned: when we reject someone’s compliment, we devalue their opinion. Ouch. That stings for the people who love us.
Healing means practicing the art of receiving. A simple “thank you” is powerful for you and for them.
Moving Forward
If these sound familiar, you’re not broken, Reader. You’re human and these patterns come from surviving a chaotic, unpredictable childhood.
The good news? You can change them. With awareness, self-compassion, and steady healing work, you can create healthier relationships—with yourself and with others.
👉 If you’re just realizing how much your past is shaping your present, start here:
👉 And check out my recommended books for adult children of alcoholics:
Keep taking good care of you. You’re worth the effort. Always.
Jody
A Conversation About Healing + Hope
I recently had the honor of being a guest on the Becoming Sound podcast with the inspiring Krista Zaft. Together, we talked about what it’s really like to grow up as the child of an alcoholic and the journey of finding healing, community, and self-compassion in adulthood.
🎧 Have a listen:
🔗 Apple
🔗 Spotify
🔗 YouTube
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👋 Hey there! You signed up for this email because you're on a journey of creating a life you love. I’m here to support you along the way.
I’m Jody Lamb, a personal growth author dedicated to helping adult children of alcoholics break free from the past and build healthy relationships, confidence, and joy.
In this newsletter, you’ll find relatable stories, empowering insights, and practical tips to help you navigate boundaries, self-care, and the challenges that come with growing up in a dysfunctional home.
I’m so glad you’re here. 💛
Visit my website for many articles and resources:
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