Hey, Reader.

Have you ever met someone and just felt they’ve struggled with the same things you have without saying a word?

At my job, I can often sense when someone’s lived through similar stuff, too. They over-deliver. They apologize for everything. They anticipate everyone’s needs. They’re the “go-to” person when something goes wrong and they wear exhaustion like a badge of honor. That used to be me. They’re also constantly seeking approval and affirmation, as if every compliment finally proves they’re good enough, finally safe.

Then, a passing comment about their childhood or a reaction when they learn what I write about confirms it. Every time, I feel that familiar mix of sadness and solidarity. Sadness for what we endured. Solidarity because we…just get it.

Growing up in a home where alcohol ruled changes you, Reader.
As kids, we lived with instability and unpredictability. Those coping patterns quietly shape how we think, love, and work as adults.

We share so many traits: people-pleasing, over-responsibility, fear of conflict, harsh self-criticism, perfectionism, and that constant drive to keep everyone else okay.

When I first discovered Dr. Janet Woititz’s 13 Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics and Tony A’s The Laundry List, I was stunned. These patterns were once survival skills (our way of bringing order to chaos) but as adults, they quietly drain our peace.

The one that’s hardest for me? Sense of super responsibility for everyone and everything.

Also, that feeling of always being on. Always scanning the room, reading tone shifts, anticipating problems before they happen, and then creating possible solutions for the problems that don’t exist.

Even in calm moments, I often catch myself waiting for the next shoe to drop.
It helped me survive back then but now, it can keep me from resting, trusting, and fully enjoying the life I’ve worked so hard to build.

Healing for me has meant gently teaching my nervous system that it’s safe to exhale.

Here’s the good news, Reader.

You can unlearn these patterns. Truly.
Awareness is the first step. When you understand that these traits aren’t who you are, they’re what you learned, you are free to move forward.

From there, healing looks like small, consistent acts of safety:

• Setting one boundary, even when it’s uncomfortable
• Noticing when you’re trying to fix someone else’s feelings and choosing to pause.
• Giving yourself permission to rest without guilt.
• Asking, “What do I need right now?” and actually listening.

It’s slow work, but it’s life-changing. With time and support, you begin to build new wiring grounded in peace.

I’d love to hear from you!

• Which of these traits do you see in yourself?
• Which one is hardest for you to let go of?

Hit reply and tell me. Your stories mean the world to me.

I'm rooting for you.

Resources and Recommendations

👋 Hey there! You’re getting this email because you’re on a healing journey — learning how to build the healthy, peaceful, joy-filled life you deserve. I’m Jody Lamb, a personal growth author who helps adult children of alcoholics break free from the past, build confidence, and create real emotional freedom. In each newsletter, I share honest stories, practical tools, and encouragement to help you strengthen boundaries, practice self-care, and keep moving forward — one brave step at a time. 💛 I’m so glad you’re here. You’re not alone on this path.💛 Visit my website for many articles and resources: JodyLamb.com