Hi, Reader.

In high school, I looked happy.

I got good grades, played sports, joined student council, babysat, and worked a part-time job. I laughed a lot.

Outside of our family and a few neighbors, almost no one knew the truth:
I was constantly worried about my mom and her drinking, and I was barely sleeping at night.

After college, I became a total workhorse logging 70–80 hour weeks for peanuts. I smiled. I appeared to love it.

But inside?

I was miserable. I was depressed.
I woke up with heavy dread, thinking: Is this really what the rest of my life is going to feel like?

The future felt super bleak, Reader.
It took me years to understand why:

I had completely abandoned myself.

Not on purpose.
But because growing up in chaos taught me to focus on everyone else’s needs and problems instead of my own.

If you grew up with an alcoholic parent, you might still be abandoning yourself, too, without even realizing it.

Here are 3 subtle ways it happens:

3 Subtle Ways Adult Children of Alcoholics Abandon Themselves

1. Over-functioning.​
You take care of everything at work and at home because deep down, you believe things will fall apart without you.

I stayed up late fixing problems that weren’t mine and gave up the things that brought me joy because I thought it was my job to take care of everyone.

Try this instead: Pause. Ask yourself: Is this really mine to carry? Most of the time, the answer is no. Allow people to take care of their own responsibilities.

2. Apologizing for having needs.​
Maybe you say “sorry” for asking for help. Or feel guilty for needing rest.
I used to say “I’m fine” even when I was clearly not fine because I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone.

In my early career, I often started sentences with "I’m sorry," when I’d done nothing wrong.

Try this instead: Practice saying, “I need…” without apologizing. Everyone has needs. Start vocalizing yours. You deserve to have your needs met.

3. People-pleasing.​
You say yes when you want to say no. You shape-shift to keep people happy.
Because you learned early that being liked meant being safe.

Try this instead: Before answering someone’s request, ask yourself: What do I really want here? You can honor your truth and be kind.

None of this is your fault.
It’s how we survived.

But now?
You deserve to stop abandoning yourself and start coming home to you.

Start by getting curious. Practice tiny shifts. And most of all: stay kind to yourself along the way, Reader.

Remember, your primary job in life is to take good care of you.

❤️
Jody

P.S. Which one of these self-abandonment patterns do you relate to the most right now? Hit reply. I’d love to hear from you.

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On feeling responsible for everyone's emotions...

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When I think about my mom...

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