Before I could think myself out of it, this shook from my lips: “Hi. I’m Jody.”
I stared at the center of the table cluster, shocked that I’d begun speaking. It was my first Al-Anon meeting.
“Hi, Jody,” greeted me in all directions.
I uncrossed my arms and looked up to acknowledge the thirty sets of eyes staring at me. Some people smiled and some shifted in discomfort at the awkwardness of my delay and obvious fear.
“I’m a mess,” I whispered. “I’ve lost control of my life and myself because I’m obsessed with fixing my mother - finally getting her to stop drinking.”
I shared the CliffsNotes of my life, from my earliest memories through that day.
“If something doesn’t change, I’m not going to survive much more of feeling like this day in and day out," I said. "I can’t do this anymore. How I feel…it’s killing me.”
My hands were busy wiping away tears when I stopped speaking.
A silver-haired man pushed a box of tissue across the table at me, cleared his throat, and declared: “Jody, you’ve put the key into the ignition and the wheels are in motion now. You are on your way. Your life will forever be better from this moment on.”
That wise man was 100-percent correct. The turning point in my adult life was admitting in that meeting that my true problem wasn’t my alcoholic mother. It was the fact that I was a deeply codependent, depressed, and barely living 26-year-old person. That was the day I realized I was ill, I needed help, and I was going to get it.
Reader, it requires great courage to admit that you are ill and to seek help to get better. This is why most people never achieve a life they love; it’s easier to stay right where you are and suffer.
Changing your life requires courage to admit you need help.
You subscribed to this newsletter, so I know this about you, Reader:
You are among the brave ones who are actively learning how to heal and grow.
Only the brave end up creating a life they love because there’s nothing easy about change. However, it is always worth it.
What things could possibly help? When I started my journey, I jotted down the first few things that came to mind when I asked myself that question. At the top of the list was the Al-Anon support group meeting. I didn’t want to go, but I’d made the key decision to change. I knew I had to be willing to try anything because I felt so miserable.
What things could possibly help you, Reader? Write them down and try one soon. Put it on your calendar.
Real Talk with Jody
K asked: Do you still have a relationship with your mother today? |
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I do have a relationship with my mother, but with many boundaries in place. She is doing much better than in the past (better than I ever expected), though she still suffers from her substance use disorder. We speak about once a week and see each other occasionally. She had health issues last fall, so I’ve spent more time with her, and that brought a few challenges and need for new boundaries. It’s a journey; life throws curveballs. That’s for sure. |
Amy asked: How did your mom’s addiction affect your relationship over the years? |
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My mother’s addiction to alcohol distorted our relationship early on. I became the mother figure when I was young, and she took on the child role. I tried so hard to “save” her, but over time, I was just enabling her and preventing her from getting help.
As she slipped deeper into drinking, she let me take on all her adult responsibilities. I became so codependent that I didn’t realize that by taking care of everything, I was hurting her by preventing her from ever wanting to change. This didn’t stop until I finally realized I wasn’t living and that I needed to save myself. When I finally focused on me, my mother improved, too, because she had to learn how to be an adult on her own. She found a new sense of purpose through her work.
I am grateful that I finally admitted my only job was to take care of me, and that I couldn’t make my mom get help. Recognizing that I was ill was our lifeline.
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Do you have a question? Reply to this message or send me a DM on Instagram.​
Resources & Recommendations
🌟 Support Groups
There are in-person and virtual meetings happening today and every day:
đź“– Books
Know a teenager (13 years or older) with a parent with a substance use disorder or other addiction? This book can help: “Coping with a Parent Who Overdrinks: Insights and Tips for Teenagers” by Michelle Shreeve. It launches into the world on April 1, but you can pre-order now. Preorders make a huge impact; they show publishers and bookstores that this book is important. If it resonates with you or someone you know, your early support would help get the book in more hands.
It’s a life-changing resource for teens with a parent who overdrinks, offering clear, practical advice to understand what's really going on in their family and how to cope effectively. Featuring relatable stories and healing tools, it provides both comfort and hope for the future.
Michelle interviewed me about many topics as she wrote this great book. There’s truly nothing like it out there, and I’m thrilled for the young people it will help. If you know a teen who could benefit, take a look!​
🎧 Podcasts
Andrea runs the popular podcast, Adult Child. She's an alcoholic in recovery and an adult child of alcoholics. I dig her direct, edgy, and sometimes funny, approach to talking about all this adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA) stuff. She shares a lot about the healing process and interviews experts. Check it out.
đź’ˇCoaching
If you’re interested in a life coach who specializes in adult child of an alcoholic healing: Recently, I met ACoA Coach Françoise Olivier who has helped many people. Learn more about her.
🤝 Social
If you’re not already following me on Instagram and YouTube, now’s the time! That’s where I share encouragement, real talk about healing as an adult child of an alcoholic, and practical tools to help you create a life you love.
If you find my content helpful, sharing it with a friend means the world. It helps me reach more people. đź’™
Did this newsletter make you think? Know someone who’d like it, too? Encourage them to subscribe; here’s a link: https://jody-lamb.kit.com/email-signup
đź’ Thoughts?
I’d love to know what topics you’re most interested in for future editions of The Empowered Path.
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One More Thing
The hardest part of changing your life isn’t the work to change it; it’s first admitting that you need to change and taking steps to seek help. When you grow up in a home affected by addiction or some other dysfunction, you can become so focused on the problems of other people that you may not see your own struggles and illness. It takes courage to look inward, get help, and make a change.
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I'm rooting for you!
đź’› Jody
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